Embarrassing Situation (plus: your Christmas gift)

Jon's reply to my request to repost his email message:

Sure. Go for it. :-)

Jon

Merry Christmas to me!

Here it is, a reposting of Jon Morrow's email message:

----Original Message-----
From: Jon Morrow
Sent: Mon, Dec 20, 2010 2:47 am
Subject: Embarrassing situation (plus: your Christmas gift)

First, a quick confession:

Yesterday, I got caught doing something embarrassing.

With Christmas less than a week away, I still haven't bought any gifts for anyone, and I was beginning to think I was going to have to brave the shopping malls with all the other crazies. But then I noticed something:

The family Christmas tree is already loaded with gifts. Probably like five for each person. All the gifts also have those little cards saying who it's from and who it's for.

And that's when it occurred to me: why not just grab a pen and sign my name to a few of them, claiming the gift is also from me?

For one, five gifts should be enough for anyone, right? I mean, come on. You only need so many new sweaters and pairs of socks.

For two, the only other person in the house was my mother, who was cooking some Christmas cookies in the kitchen. So, nobody would even find out until Christmas.

For three, EASIEST CHRISTMAS SHOPPING EVER. No trips to the mall. No debt to pay off. No guilt about buying the wrong thing. Hell, I'll be as surprised as they are when they open the present.

It was brilliant. A perfect solution. So, I grabbed a pen and went to work.

Unfortunately, I was so enthralled with the idea that I missed the buzzer going off on the oven, signifying the cookies were done. So, in comes my mother with a tray of hot cookies, ready to offer me some, and she catches me in the act.

The end result: I'm off to the shopping mall to fight with all the crazies. (She also refused to give me any cookies.)

FOILED AGAIN.
But let's get to what's important: your Christmas gift.

Here I am, smarting over the failure of my brilliant scheme, and I get an email from Johnny Truant. For a Christmas special, he's offering to setup WordPress for anyone wanting to start a new blog, free of charge.

Check it out here: http://bit.ly/h7f1aK

My first thought is this is great for beginners. If you're thinking about launching a new blog but you're worried about doing all of the technical stuff, this totally takes care of that for you. And Johnny isn't even charging you anything.

But then this also occurs to me:

IT'S A SECOND CHANCE.

I can forward Johnny's gift over to you and totally take credit for it. It's the exact same thing as signing my name to the gifts underneath the tree, except this time, there's no one to stop me.

*evil laugh*

All joking aside though, this is really cool of Johnny. He's not paying me a dime to send this to you, and I'm really not sure exactly how he benefits from it, but you should take advantage of it while you can. He's only doing it through Thursday, the 23rd (lazy bastard doesn't want to work on Christmas), so you only have a few days.

Here's the link for all the details:

http://bit.ly/h7f1aK

So, that's all I've got. If you don't actually need a new blog setup, then I'm afraid you're out of luck with me this Christmas. I mean sure, I appreciate you and everything, but I haven't even bought a gift for my mother and father, you know? A guy can only do so much.

I'll do my best to make it up to you next year by helping you make your blog bigger and better than ever. 2011 is our year, right?
Right.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year,

Jon

PS: Don't you dare tell my mother about this. I still haven't given up on those cookies.

Is Monday Ever the Best Day of the Week?

Today it is. It's the beginning of Christmas Break.

Owen doesn't have to go to school today and neither do I, so he got to spend the night with us last night and I got to wake up to his sweet little boy breath this morning and a retelling of his dream about a T-Rex who doesn't eat meat.

Monday is always a day off at the public library for me so I have the whole day to do whatever I want. The top of my list is to get Christmas cards written. It's been several years since I've sent cards before Christmas. Some people may be disappointed to hear from me before Christmas since they now expect a Happy New Year/Merry Epiphany letter. I like to write, so maybe I can do both.

I received an hysterical email from Jon Morrow of Copyblogger today. A pleasant way to start the day and the week with a smile and a hearty laugh. I would link to the story if I knew where it is posted. Maybe it's "just" an email. I wrote and asked Jon's permission to repost his story on my blog so there is a possiblity that you'll be able to read it here.

Speaking of Copyblogger, they have some really cool T-Shirts for sale. 100% of the profit goes to Reading is Fundamental (child literacy organization) whose "vision is a literate America in which all children have access to books and discover the joys and value of reading." The link to the T-Shirts is HERE.

One thing I always love about Mondays is the new A.Word.A.Day theme. This week's theme is particularly appropriate: No el. Huh? The five words this week will contain all the letters of the English alphabet except L. As a bonus Anu gives Noel's history: it started in Latin (meaning birthday), became French and now is part of the English language. During its journey through time, Noel has taken on the more specific meaning of Jesus' birthday.

Today's word is Katzenjammer. (No el) Check it out.

There's no telling what other fabulous features will unfold on this first Monday of vacation. I may have to do a second post this evening. For now, I'm off to start writing Christmas cards.

Joyeux Noel!

First the Teacher, Now the Preacher

Who knew James Patterson, THE #1 New York Times Bestselling Author James Patterson, is writing Children's picture books? Our preacher read Patterson's picture book SANTA KID to the children at our Christmas Program this evening.

Does Santa HAVE to be at our Church Christmas Program? Can anyone tell me what Santa has to do with Church/Christian Christmas?

The message of the book is believe but it never says believe in what. The last line of the book is, "And kids are the ones who know how to believe." Sure they believe. They have not yet figured out that adults lie to them.

Our preacher built on the believe concept and said that we need to believe in Jesus, the baby in the manger whose birthday we celebrate at Christmas. But that point could have been made without reading a book about Santa.

Beth is considering asking the preacher to have a talk with Owen explaining to him that Santa is not real, but Jesus is.

I wish someone would explain to me why adults have so much fun pretending about Santa.

Themes at Work

Some days at the public library have a definite theme to them. There are days when you'd swear Nurse Ratched just dropped off a bus load of people from the cuckoo's nest. There are other days when gratitude is the theme and most every patron appreciates whatever is done for them. Of course there are slow days, computer chaos days, and days when students fill the library because an assignment is due the next day.

Today's theme was "Children Run Amok." Why would two parents bring their infant to the library so they can use the computers? Each adult gets on a computer, the baby lays in the carrier and at some point screams its lungs out. The parents seem not to notice. They have to be told to take their baby into the lobby and comfort it. And they resent this. They've got Facebook to do.

Parents with older children leave them in the children's area. There is no children's librarian on duty on Saturday so the kids are in this area without adult supervision. They turn on computers that are supposed to be left off, pull books off the shelf for the fun of it, jump off the tables, and play chase which brings them out of the children's area and into every part of the rest of the library.

I'm sure it's fun to run around the library but unfortunately it gets on the nerves of adults who are there without children. I try to reunite the children with their parents. But what parents in their right minds want their kids bothering them when there's email to read?

I had a mom ask me what our policy is for children being left alone in the children's area. I thought she was concerned about the kids and wanted me to talk to their parents telling them to take care of their kids. I was mistaken, she was the parent of 3 of the runners. She was hoping our policy allowed her kids to have fun without her having to be responsible for them.

Moments later another lady came and tattled on three kids who were kicking her daughters as they read books in the children's area. That's right, the three darlings in need of a policy discovered new havoc to wreak.

And that was the thread that strung today at the library together.

That aside, I had a great day at the library. After getting a patron's computer to work with our WiFi, we gave each other a victory hug. Another patron brought me a Merry Christmas bottle of Bath & Body Works lotion. A coworker made me muffins. A patron who I hardly know came up and told me she missed me yesterday (I don't work Friday if I work on Saturday) and she hoped I was having a happy holiday season. The two Marys both came in and we had nice conversations. Sarah showed me pictures of her wedding.

And at the end of the day I'm left saying, "There isn't a better job in the world, for me anyway."

The Santa Conspiracy

I read recently "Santa is an anagram for Satan." The author was making a humorous comment, I think it was after working as a Santa's elf in a large department store in New York City.

But is it really funny? Is there truth in it? Who is Santa? Where did he come from? Why is he more popular than Jesus at Christmas time? And why am I the only one bothered by him? Have you ever read a paragraph with nothing but questions?

When I was a child I believed in Santa, truly believed. Was I the only one? Did everyone else know it was just pretend? When a neighbor told me that there was no such thing as Santa, that my parents put the presents under the tree and filled my stocking, and that the Santa at the mall was just a guy dressed up in a costume, I was devastated. A truth I believed in crumbled. My parents had lied to me, my teachers had lied to me, people I didn't know lied to me when they asked me, "What's Santa bringing you this year?"

I lost the ability to know what was true and what wasn't. I seriously wondered if school was a conspiracy. Maybe we were just told we had to go to school but some day down the line we'd find out that it was all a hoax. They were just pretending about the things they taught us. Have you ever seen the Matrix?

When I had children, I did not tell them about Santa. I try not to lie to my children. I want them to trust me and know they can always believe me.

I am blessed with a six-year-old grandchild. My daughter has not "done Santa" with him either. When he started to school she had a talk with him and told him not to tell the other children that Santa isn't real. He did fine in pre-K and Kindergarten but this year the teacher had a talk with Beth. Apparently Owen told some of the kids that he doesn't believe in Santa. I don't know what the teacher wanted Beth to do about it. I mean, Santa isn't real. Is it strange to anyone else that the parent of the kid who is telling the truth gets a conference with the teacher? You better do something about Owen telling the truth about Santa. We do not want the truth about Santa to get out. How is that right?

Tonight Owen started a conversation with me:

Owen: Gingie, I want to put cookies out for Santa this year to see if he is real.

Me: Santa isn't real. You don't have to put cookies out to make sure.

Owen: But some adults believe in Santa.

Me: No they don't. What adults do you think believe in Santa?

Owen: My teacher. She said she believes in Santa. He lives in her heart.

Me: Your teacher knows Santa isn't real. He doesn't live anywhere because he doesn't exist.

Owen: Santa lives in my heart.

I'm starting to get steamed at this point: No Owen, Santa does not live in your heart. Who does live in your heart?

Owen: Santa and God.

Me: No just God.

Owen: Jesus lives in my heart. I love Jesus. And I love Santa.

Me: Oh for Pete's sake!

I feel like the teacher meant well but was out of line. How is forcing Santa down Owen's throat any different than trying to convince a student that Jesus is Lord? And we all know that's illegal.

It really bothers me that Santa is center stage at Christmas. It's the birth of Jesus. The beginning of God living on earth with us. Why can't the fake fat man in the red suit take his holiday and celebrate it some other time?

The Night Before Christmas is a great poem. Who knew it would create such chaos?

Maybe there's something to Santa being an anagram for Satan.

Does anyone have wisdom for me or stories of your own? God Bless us every one!

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My Life as a Reader/Writer

I am newsletter queen, writing school, church and public library newsletters. I publish all in both hard copy and email.

With all this newsletter experience, you’d think I could write a Christmas letter in my sleep. But after listening to Season’s Greetings to Our Friends and Family by David Sedaris, I’m somewhat hesitant to try. His parody of a Christmas letter was so disturbing that it’s hard for me to write something that might inspire someone to further satire a treasured holiday tradition.

My Christmas newsletter would answer the question, "What have I been reading?" I've read 37 books this year and am about to finish number 38. 20 mysteries, 5 humor and 5 inspiration/motivation, 3 adult book club titles, 2 nonfiction and 2 young adult books. My current book is a mystery, no surprise. Should I list the titles or make a top ten list?

The other side of my life is writing. I already mentioned my newsletters. I get a break form my weekly school newsletter in the summer and other school holidays. I do the church newsletter 52 weeks a year. The library newsletter is monthly. They keep me busy for sure, but not as busy as blogging. I am in the middle of my second month of daily blogging at NaBloPoMo.

I also have several blogs besides "Welcome to My World," the source of my NaBloPoMo fodder. I started a WordPress blog doing Bible verse commentary based on daily lectionary readings. I quit after a while because it was too depressing. I began in the midst of the prophets speaking doom and gloom. I still blog there every now and then. I also update my church blog, blog on my grandson's blog with my daughters, and blog at school with my students. Yo Ho Yo Ho the writing life for me.

I wonder if I could turn this post into a Christmas newsletter. Or maybe I'll just wait and do my annual Epiphany newsletter instead.

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My Characters

I have a bag full of characters who presented themselves to me in flesh and blood at the public library. I added a new one to the bag today.

A four foot something Asian woman greeted me at the Reference desk. Sweet smile, soft spoken, not a fluent English speaker, she communicated to me that she wanted a book of do-it-yourself forms for legal problems. I got out our book.

She looked through the binder that was almost as big as she was but didn't find what she was looking for.

She told me that she was helped before with a different legal problem by another lady or maybe it was me. We all look alike. If it wasn't me, and it wasn't, then it had to be Roxanne who is younger than me, blonder than me, shorter than me and thinner than me, but we were indistinguishable to my new Asian (I think Vietnamese) friend.

She explained more about the problem and asked, "You look up on Internet?" That's no problem, but her legal issue was. She wanted to know how to legally dissolve her relationship with her daughter, like a divorce only with a child.

Upon questioning her further I discovered that her daughter is 35 and insists that her mother is still responsible for all of her bills and her boyfriend's too. I printed off some pages for my friend from the American Bar Association listing the "rights" of an 18 year-old. It started with, "You're 18, your responsible for yourself, your mother isn't."

She smiled, thanked me and left with two print out pages but I know she would have been happier with a form to be filed at the courthouse.

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